The " Regretting" part of Grief
I have been researching the topic of Grief. I have looked at it's definition. I have felt its emotion. I have seen its face, and I know it's paralyzing grip. It is just a simple five letter word with a pretty straight forward definition. At least it seemed so until I found this definition at www.thefreedictionary.com
grief(gr
f)
I have been puzzled by the insidious way that in this process of grieving, it can feel as if its long bony fingers can reach out and without a sound pull you into the abyss. I found a clue in the above definition. It was in that suggestion to "See Synonyms at regret."
As I searched its content, each line made sense but presented nothing new, until, I reached the statement; " n. 2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different." It was then that I began to realize that sometimes grief is not about the loss itself but about the loss of things that could have been had you lived differently, chosen differently, acted differently.
I wished our attention to holidays and anniversaries had been different, I thought. We often let them pass without taking the time to make them truely memorable. It wasn't that we didn't care or love. It was often just that life is busy, and messy and time consuming and we let it.
I have begun to recognize how very very fragile and brief is our time on this earth. One thing that I have purposed to do is to stop the busyness, and just be. Be attentive. Be present. Be with those who matter most to me, and choose differently how i spend my time.
I can't change what didn't happen in the past. It's done and over. Recognizing the consequences of choice however can change today. Letting go of those regrets is where I will start.
What about you? Are there regrets that hold you in a grieving pattern? What can you choose to do to let them go and move forward? Will you?
grief(gr
f)
n.
1. Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. See Synonyms at regret.
2. A source of deep mental anguish.
3. Annoyance or frustration: Trying to follow their directions was nothing but grief.
4. Trouble or difficulty: the griefs of trying to meet a deadline.
5. Archaic A grievance.
I have been puzzled by the insidious way that in this process of grieving, it can feel as if its long bony fingers can reach out and without a sound pull you into the abyss. I found a clue in the above definition. It was in that suggestion to "See Synonyms at regret."
As I searched its content, each line made sense but presented nothing new, until, I reached the statement; " n. 2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different." It was then that I began to realize that sometimes grief is not about the loss itself but about the loss of things that could have been had you lived differently, chosen differently, acted differently.
I wished our attention to holidays and anniversaries had been different, I thought. We often let them pass without taking the time to make them truely memorable. It wasn't that we didn't care or love. It was often just that life is busy, and messy and time consuming and we let it.
I have begun to recognize how very very fragile and brief is our time on this earth. One thing that I have purposed to do is to stop the busyness, and just be. Be attentive. Be present. Be with those who matter most to me, and choose differently how i spend my time.
I can't change what didn't happen in the past. It's done and over. Recognizing the consequences of choice however can change today. Letting go of those regrets is where I will start.
What about you? Are there regrets that hold you in a grieving pattern? What can you choose to do to let them go and move forward? Will you?
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