. . . the journey . .

 I just posted Jim's communication about the Liver Cancer Diagnosis.  Then, I realized, that if was probably good to precede it with a bit of information that might be missing to someone later reading so I thought a few particulars might be needed. I, Kathy, started this blog after my first husband Orin was diagnosed with cancer, as a way to communicate with family and friends regarding our situation.  An early challenge that we noted was that it quickly became very difficult to keep everyone informed and remember who you had told what.  We also found that the responses were a great encouragement to us, especially in the hard times. So, I encourage you to participate with us on here as we journey forward.   I posted some randomly and also during the last portion of my mother's life who lived with us for six months prior to her death in 2018.  Feel free to read or not read any of those posts, however this now will become a way for us to communicate with...

 We  request your prayers about a health issue I (Jim Terral) (James R. Terral, III) am facing. In May of 2020 It was discovered that I had two aggressive types of Prostate cancer. After consultation and prayer, I decided to have my prostate removed. I received excellent care from Dr. Boban Mirza and the marvelous staff at KU Med in Kansas City. I am pleased to say that all subsequent tests say I am free of prostate cancer. The present need is about another cancer. Some time back many of you were aware that upon doctors’ advice and after scan’s following what I thought was a gallbladder attack I chose to go to KU Med Center I went in to have my Gall Bladder removed. I shared then that they did not remove my gall bladder for a number of reasons but I now believe they feared damaging my liver in the process. I did not share with everyone that they discovered visually that I had a fatty liver with what appeared to be non-alcoholic-stage 4 Cirrhosis. I was informed that this almos...

  Just wanted to say Hi,   Haven't blogged for a while.   Think I will start with a question for those of you who have lost someone dear to you. What was the best thing that someone did for you early in your grieving process? For me I think it was the person who wrote to me to tell me a memory about my husband that I did not know.  He had taken photos at their wedding and had helped them be calm when they realized they had forgotten a detail.  It was so special to be reminded of this wonderful gift that he had for helping people relax. What's yours

Mike and Sarah's daughter Lorelei Jean Terral with Grandma Write a comment...

at Jim's 70th Birthday dinner First Baptist Church Lawton Ks

It's time to write again.  This is the blog that I used when Orin was sick.  The blog I used through my journey with cancer. The blog I sporadically used in between then and now.  I've been quilting, and grand-mothering and  starting a new marriage as a pastor's wife.  Now, I start another phase, as caregiver for my elderly mother.  My Blog title before was Therefore will not we fear... from Psalm 46.  Most of the time we didn't, but when we did, the blog title was there to remind me that God had it in the palm of his hand.  As I reflected on the title, I knew, that His Word was no less important and fear no less manageable, but I realized that a new title perhaps reflected the purpose and direction of my writings. The Journey.  Life is one.  All of life.  Not just the brief time we spend on this earth but the whole of it.  It is an exciting trip, a boring trip, a sometimes difficult, sometimes painful trip.  But a trip ...

What do you say when someone is hurting? Isn't that always the first thing we think of when we are faced with the news of a new illness or tragedy? It's hard. Sometimes there just isn't anything to say. One of the best responses I have ever heard was simply this.  "I don't know what to say, and I don't know what you need to hear, but I'm here."  Simple and profoundly honest. I expect you want to say something helpful, I feel like that too, but I have found that words sometimes mess up the love my presence wants to convey. So I am learning to hug.  I am learning to share tears. I am learning to squeeze the hands that have reached out to me and simply love. Later, there will be time for words. Now is the time to just BE. Don't let not knowing what to say ruin that.  Blessings Kathy

My mother has macular degeneration.   So did her mother.   In time, it may well be my plight also. I don’t like it.   But it is what it is. Today my niece told us of receiving a letter from the Eye Bank telling her that her husband’s eyes, donated at his recent untimely death had given sight to someone overseas—and to someone in Missouri. What a beautiful legacy.   He is gone to us, but somewhere, his life goes on and that is a comfort. In the gospel of John, chapter nine, we read the story of how Jesus healed the blind man.   I was struck recently when reading the account, of the part the blind man had played in the event.   Jesus, you see, was the source of healing, Jesus was the one who stopped, took the time, and even the risk . . . working on the Sabbath was not allowed . . . Jesus applied the mud, and gave the direction: “Go, Wash in the pool of Siloam.” But only the blind man could respond; could complete the miracle; could be obedient t...

    When I think of coffee and Swings, I think,   I should think of a warm sunny morning and sharing a just brewed cup of coffee with a good friend or mate . . . or perhaps all alone, just me, my bible and God. But I don’t. Coffee and Swings take me back to the summer of 2008. I was working, and going through radiation treatments for breast cancer. The hospital was right across the street from where I worked so it was easy to slip over for the ten minute treatment. It seemed like almost nothing in the course of my day. Nothing, that is, until I got home from work. Perhaps it was somewhat due to the 30 minute drive. I would get in the car just in time to hear a chapter from whatever book was being read on “Stories of Great Christians” on my favorite station. I would relax. Drive. And arrive home almost too tired to get out of the car. A cup of coffee would help . I would brew it. And quite by accident I discovered the magic. One day I took the cup of coffee and a ...

Paul in the Letter to the Philippians speaks of learning to be content in whatever state he found himself in.  One of the blessings that I have come to enjoy in my state of widowhood, is that of quietness.  Tonight I sit, computer on my lap, dog at my feet, in front of a crackling fire, and all is quiet.    No television telling me what to buy, think or feel, no children giggling or squabbling. Just quiet.  Quiet that allows rest.  Quiet that allows reflection.  Quiet that allows God's word or a good novel. Sometimes I want the noise but often, I have learned, it is this time that I most enjoy and appreciate.  I am glad for this lesson.  If you are newly alone, I understand, its hard.  Trust God and just lean hard.  I have prayed just now, that whereever you are, you will feel Him very near and begin, like Paul, to embrace this state. Blessings,  Kathy

     Five years and some months ago, I began took on the task of living alone. Not by choice, nevertheless it happened.  I was new at it and I still feel that way today.        After growing up on a farm with a dad who could fix anything, it was no surprise that the man I chose to marry was just like him!  We were a good pair, as were my parents when it came to keeping things running smoothly.  If he lost a button or tore his shirt, I could fix it.  When the sink leaked, he could. Neither of us were in to challenging traditional roles, no need, the way we did it woked.     Today, discovering a leak in the plumbing, I am thinking perhaps I should have paid more attention!  And I am wondering.  I have numerous friends on facebook and such that live alone and have for many years.  How do you handle this issue?  Do you have a huge budget for repairs?  Do you have friends...

Have you ever wondered, when something reminds you of a loved one who has passed on, shall I mention it? will it make her remember and be sad? is it better to just say nothing? The answer is YES ,MAYBE, NO I lost my husband to cancer in 2007 and my father to heart disease in 1995. Although I don't "actively grieve" them every minute or even every day, they are still a big part of who I am.  One of the hardest things is when people don't seem to remember that they were ever around. so should I mention it?   YES, I long to hear, Remember when he...,  when I see....I think of your dad,  I wish your husband was here to enjoy this with you... Will it  bring a tear or a smile?  Probably. Maybe one, maybe both. But its ok, because with either my heart will be soothed by your remembering and my burden of grief will be lightened . so, is it  better to just say nothing There could be times when it might be best to keep your though...

As an RN with a background in mental health and addiction treatment it is easy for me to use the word Recovery and know that it applies to the total picture of who we are, what we think, how we act, and interact, what we believe...all of it.  Recovery is a term often associated with addiction..."I am in recovery" the addict will say; or physical rehab from something like a motor vehicle accident or a stroke that has left us with physical deficits...IE the recovery was long and slow.  Even our politicians talk about  recovery and apply it to our economic situation. R ecovery from an event that has caused grief in our lives is like  not terribly different. Look at its components 1. It in not instantaneous.  Recovery is a process not an event. Dont be discouraged when you feel great one day, and as though you never started the next.   Loss is not an easy thing and we often minimize its effect on our lives.   The important thing is that ...

Sometimes recovery is just about being with friends. Old and new

I had popcorn for supper last night No one objected No one said "I don't like that". No one asked for seconds. I had popcorn for supper last night Curled up in my favorite chair with a really good book, And a snuggly blanket. I had popcorn for supper last night. Not the best nutritional choice I guess. But sometimes, when I am alone. I just allow it, and enjoy. How have you dealt with meals alone?  Please share your ideas.  I might want to try one.

I saw an old acquaintance today.  I was driving away from the local convenient mart as I saw her get out of her car and with a tired walk, make her way into the store... We didn't speak and yet she spoke volumes to my heart.  You see, she had her head covered.  Covered in a way that told me that underneath there was no hair.  I will search her out soon, call, send a card.  Tell her she does not fight alone.  Tell her that she can go on. Tell her that I understand.  I will not tell her to call me if she needs something, because I know that she won't. I won't tell her that she will live, because I don't know if she will.  But just for today I will tell her she is not alone, and it will be enough. I know.

I have been researching the topic of Grief. I have looked at it's definition.  I have felt its emotion. I have seen its face, and I know it's paralyzing grip.  It is just a simple five letter word with a pretty straight forward definition.  At least it seemed so until I found this definition at www.thefreedictionary.com     grief (gr f) n. 1. Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. See Synonyms at regret . 2. A source of deep mental anguish. 3. Annoyance or frustration: Trying to follow their directions was nothing but grief. 4. Trouble or difficulty: the griefs of trying to meet a deadline. 5. Archaic A grievance. I have been puzzled by the insidious way that in this process of grieving, it can feel as if its  long bony fingers can reach out and without a sound pull you into the abyss.  I found a clue in the above definition. It was in that suggestion to "See Synonyms at regret."  As I searched its...

Like steady soldiers they stand. Straight and quiet just inside the closet door. Each with its special memory to tell: His favorite, and mine, the one he wore the night our son was married. I look at them tenderly and remember, sweet memories of yesterday flood my mind and heart. Tears. Will they ever stop? And then you remind me Lord that he is with you. Tomorrow is not so far. I can see it just ahead. Thank You Lord for giving me the courage to remember the good things that these ties represent, for the tears which cleanse, but most of all Oh Lord for your sweet promise of a day to come

Prayer God’s law is this That He designed all according to his will Yet Nothing does he do Until through our prayer His hand we move